honesty

So it has been a while since I have blogged. I am kind of going through my own personal struggle right now with my two ovaries. (and I know that is kind personal, but its not like a private part or anything). They have been deciding to act up right now, my ovaries that is, and I have to have a diagnostic laparoscopy on Friday. Basically the doctor has to go in and see what the deal is. I have been in a lot of pain the last few weeks and it has really affected my life a lot more that I would like to admit. Emotionally and physically. Physically, well, I am in pain. It hurts to stand up, and I teach all day, so that is not a good combo. And emotionally, I am just worn out because I have been thinking about "this" so much. It's always on my mind. What will they find? What is going on? Why am I hurting so bad? Can I have children? How does God want me to respond to this? And on and on and on. So the reason I titled todays post Honesty is because I was really impacted by a testimony a few weeks ago in church that was full of a lot of honesty. This girl had some physical struggles and she talked about in her testimony how she would confess her fears to God at night. That really impacted me. I haven't been doing that with what I have been going through. I have been trying to hold it together and be tough, but on the inside I am scared. And I just loved how this particular girl talked about pouring her heart and fears out to God, handing them over to Him. So today I am confessing that I am a little scared. Well, maybe a little more than a little. I don't know what is going on with my Egg Mansions (that is code for ovaries for those of you who don't know your anatomy). And I more scared about the road ahead, of what they might find, blah blah blah. Surgery doesn't scare me, for whatever reason. But the rest of this situation does. So that is that. I confess. I am scared. I am not superwoman and I don't have it all together right now.

But to shift my thoughts, I am walking through all of this with two pretty amazing guys. The first being God, who gently comforts me when I find myself crying or worn out or defeated. Although I want to be strong, He tells me to come to him, Courtney who is weary and He will give me rest. The second of the pretty amazing guys is Cody, my husband and best friend. And I don't just say best friend because it sounds so cool to say that. He really is my best friend. I am so in awe that God let me be the one that Cody loves. He has been absolutely great to me, basically since we started our journey together, but particularly in the past few weeks with all that is going on with me. At night when my thoughts are racing and there is no more conversation or music to drown them out, laying next to him in bed with his arms around me gives me the most peace I feel like I could possibly feel here on earth. He's my life mate. I am so thankful for him and for his life. He makes me laugh a lot right now, a lot. Cody always is pretty funny when we are together, but I know he has been working harder to lighten things up and just have fun with me. It's great.

So I will keep you posted on the surgery results. I might even have pictures. But I won't share them over this blog. Probably for some of you, it may be disturbing that I am even talking about my ovaries. Pictures might just send you over the edge. :)

Keep this in mind the next time your heart is scared. Just tell Him about it. And don't wait as long as I did.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28 NIV